“I Like Chinese,” by Monty Python (1980)

[To reflect today’s reality, I’ve made two small amendments to the lyrics.]

The world today seems absolutely crackers,
With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high.
There’s fools and idiots sitting on the trigger.
It’s depressing and it’s senseless, and that’s why…

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they’re always friendly, and they’re ready to please.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
There’s [1.3 billion] of them in the world today.
You’d better learn to like them; that’s what I say.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They come from a long way overseas,
But they’re cute and they’re cuddly, and they’re ready to please.

I like Chinese food.
The waiters [always] are rude.
Think of the many things they’ve done to impress.
There’s Maoism, Taoism, I Ching, and chess.

So, I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese.

I like Chinese thought,
The wisdom that Confucious taught.
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt.

So, I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they’re wise and they’re witty, and they’re ready to please.

All together!
Wo ai zhongguo ren.
Wo ai zhongguo ren.
Wo ai zhongguo ren.
Ni hao ma, ni hao ma, ni hao ma, zaijien!

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
Their food is guaranteed to please,
A 14, a 7, a 9, and lychees.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese.

I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees…